This is a Filipino making a long distance phone call....
Operator: AT&T, How may I help you?
Pinoy: Heyloow. Ay wud like to long distans da Pilipins, plis.
Operator: Name of the party you're calling?
Pinoy: Aybegurpardon? Can you repit agen plis?
Operator: What is the name of the person you are calling?
Pinoy: Ah, yes, tenkyu and sori. Da name of my calling is Elpidio Abanquel. Sori and tenkyu.
Operator: Please spell out the name of the person you're calling
phonetically.
Pinoy: Yes, tenkyu. What is foneticali?
Operator: Please spell out the letters comprising the name a
Letter at a time and citing a word for each letter.
Pinoy: Ah, yes, tenkyu. Da name of Elpidio Abanquel is Elpidio
Abanquel. I will spell his name foneticali, Elpidio: E as in
Elpidio, L as in lpidio, p as in pidio, i as in idio, d as in dio, i as in
io, and o as in o.
Operator: Sir, can you please use English words.
Pinoy: Ah, yes, tenkyu. Abanquel: A as in Airport agen, B as in
Because, A as in airport agen, N as in enemy, Q as in Cuba, U as
In Europe, E as in important, and L as in elephant.
*******************
What would happen
if you have a wooden car with wooden wheels, a
wooden chair and a wooden engine? It wooden start!!!
******************
ANAK: 'Tay, anong
pagkakaiba ng Supper at Dinner?
ITAY: Anak, pagkumain tayo sa labas, Dinner 'yun. Pag dito tayo
kakain ng luto ng Mommy mo, Suffer yon!!
Monday, June 21, 2010
jokes1
ANAK : ‘Nay, ayaw ko pong pumasok!
NANAY : Bakit?
ANAK : Masama po ang pakiramdam ko!
NANAY : Saan?
ANAK : Sa School!
********************
PILO: Pare, ano kaya ang nangyayari sa akin? Kasi, kapag kumakain ako, pakiramdam ko, isa akong ibon. Kapag nagtatrabaho ako, pakiramdam ko, isa akong kabayo. At ‘pag napapagod ako, pakiramdam ko, isa akong aso.
HUGO: Naku, masama ‘yan, pare! Kumunsulta ka na sa beterinaryo?!
*******************
Noong birthday ni Miss Calibre, elementary school teacher na soltera, niregaluhan siya ng ilan niyang estudyante.
Pumpon ng bulaklak ang handog sa kanya ni Mariflor, anak ng may-ari ng flower shop.
Isang kahon ng chocolate ang bigay ni Candice, anak ng may-ari ng candy shop.
May dala ring regalo si Michael, anak ng may-ari ng liquor shop.
Mabigat ang kahon na dala ni Michael.
May tumulo at basa ito.
“Alak ba ito?” napangiting sambit ni Miss Calibre, sabay tikim sa tumulo.
“Hindi po!” bulalas ni Michael.
Tinikman muli ni Miss Calibre ang tumulo, “Ow? Parang champagne, eh!”
“Hindi po!” sabi uli ni Michael.
“Eh ano ‘to?!” napakunot-noong sambit ni Miss Calibre, na tinikman uli ang tumulo.
Sagot ni Michael, “Tuta po!
NANAY : Bakit?
ANAK : Masama po ang pakiramdam ko!
NANAY : Saan?
ANAK : Sa School!
********************
PILO: Pare, ano kaya ang nangyayari sa akin? Kasi, kapag kumakain ako, pakiramdam ko, isa akong ibon. Kapag nagtatrabaho ako, pakiramdam ko, isa akong kabayo. At ‘pag napapagod ako, pakiramdam ko, isa akong aso.
HUGO: Naku, masama ‘yan, pare! Kumunsulta ka na sa beterinaryo?!
*******************
Noong birthday ni Miss Calibre, elementary school teacher na soltera, niregaluhan siya ng ilan niyang estudyante.
Pumpon ng bulaklak ang handog sa kanya ni Mariflor, anak ng may-ari ng flower shop.
Isang kahon ng chocolate ang bigay ni Candice, anak ng may-ari ng candy shop.
May dala ring regalo si Michael, anak ng may-ari ng liquor shop.
Mabigat ang kahon na dala ni Michael.
May tumulo at basa ito.
“Alak ba ito?” napangiting sambit ni Miss Calibre, sabay tikim sa tumulo.
“Hindi po!” bulalas ni Michael.
Tinikman muli ni Miss Calibre ang tumulo, “Ow? Parang champagne, eh!”
“Hindi po!” sabi uli ni Michael.
“Eh ano ‘to?!” napakunot-noong sambit ni Miss Calibre, na tinikman uli ang tumulo.
Sagot ni Michael, “Tuta po!
Lessons on Living from Isaiah
Lessons on Living
Author: Woodrow Kroll
Source: Lessons on Living from Isaiah
Scripture Reference: Isaiah 40:8
Isaiah 40:8
The grass withers, the flower fades, but the word of our God stands forever.
The Eternal Word
Very few things are permanent, no matter how solid they seem to be. Japanese scholar Chikaosa Tanimoto is now saying that the Sphinx, which has stood immovable on the Giza Plateau outside of Cairo, Egypt, for more than 4,500 years, is destined for destruction within the next 200 years. Because of erosion created by pollution and the forces of nature, the structure eventually will disintegrate into a heap of rubble. Other ancient monuments such as the great pyramids—Cheops, Chephren and Myceriuns—which were supposedly built to last forever, are also showing signs of crumbling. Given sufficient time, they also will return to the dust from which they came.
The same, however, cannot be said of God's Word. Even though portions such as the Book of Job and the five books of Moses (Genesis through Deuteronomy) are nearly 4,000 years old, they are as relevant today as the day they were written. Because the Bible deals with the nature of man and the love of God, it will always be applicable to man's need. Technology changes, cultures vary, fads come and go. But human nature stays the same, and the Bible always has the answer for man's deepest need.
Nor will Scripture ever lose its validity. The Bible is absolute truth, and truth doesn't change with time. Just as two plus two is four today, it was a thousand years ago and it will be a thousand years from now. The sins that offended the holiness of God when the Bible was written, such as adultery, homosexuality, lying and stealing, are just as sinful and offensive to a holy God today.
Other things may last a long time, even thousands of years, but only God's Word is forever. Every word of Scripture that you make a part of your life is an investment in eternity. Study it, memorize it, apply it—and your life will never be out of date.
Author: Woodrow Kroll
Source: Lessons on Living from Isaiah
Scripture Reference: Isaiah 40:8
Isaiah 40:8
The grass withers, the flower fades, but the word of our God stands forever.
The Eternal Word
Very few things are permanent, no matter how solid they seem to be. Japanese scholar Chikaosa Tanimoto is now saying that the Sphinx, which has stood immovable on the Giza Plateau outside of Cairo, Egypt, for more than 4,500 years, is destined for destruction within the next 200 years. Because of erosion created by pollution and the forces of nature, the structure eventually will disintegrate into a heap of rubble. Other ancient monuments such as the great pyramids—Cheops, Chephren and Myceriuns—which were supposedly built to last forever, are also showing signs of crumbling. Given sufficient time, they also will return to the dust from which they came.
The same, however, cannot be said of God's Word. Even though portions such as the Book of Job and the five books of Moses (Genesis through Deuteronomy) are nearly 4,000 years old, they are as relevant today as the day they were written. Because the Bible deals with the nature of man and the love of God, it will always be applicable to man's need. Technology changes, cultures vary, fads come and go. But human nature stays the same, and the Bible always has the answer for man's deepest need.
Nor will Scripture ever lose its validity. The Bible is absolute truth, and truth doesn't change with time. Just as two plus two is four today, it was a thousand years ago and it will be a thousand years from now. The sins that offended the holiness of God when the Bible was written, such as adultery, homosexuality, lying and stealing, are just as sinful and offensive to a holy God today.
Other things may last a long time, even thousands of years, but only God's Word is forever. Every word of Scripture that you make a part of your life is an investment in eternity. Study it, memorize it, apply it—and your life will never be out of date.
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